The Hike

A top of Lion Rock. Amazing 360 view of HK. Also, a great location to commit suicide.

Going to the gym regularly for the past year, I thought I was ready for a real hike. I was deeply humbled. I think going to the gym has only made me catch up to the fitness level of a 10 year old boy. I’ve got some ways to go. I can blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. But that was the night before, and the amount of Red Bull I consumed kept me wired for a good 30 hours. I bet the alcohol in my blood from the previous night’s festivities made the mosquitoes in Lion Rock Country Park tipsy. I fed a family of 8. I love how I contribute to the ecosystem where ever I go.

Also, a glass of water is not a great pre-hike meal, no breakfast nor lunch and a salad for dinner the night before. At least I had a hot dog bao during the hike. I also didn’t bring enough water. Survivorman I ain’t. Ain’t isn’t a word. I know Stef.

It all started to catch up to me an hour into it and I was as slow as molasses holding the peeps I was hiking with back. I am weaksauce. I should have listened to Arty Chee’s tips on hiking.

Along the way we encountered quite a few long-tailed macaques (monkeys). There were even a few groups of them standing in the middle of the road as if they were gonna mug us like mountain bandits. I would’ve been more impressed when I saw the monkeys had I not seen a bunch of them in Taipei already the previous week at the zoo. These monkeys however, are apparently not native to Kowloon Hills in Hong Kong but rather were introduced into the area about a hundred years ago as water reservoirs were built in the area. The purpose of their introduction was that there was a plant that released a toxin that was hazardous to humans. Fearing the toxin will creep into the water system, the monkeys were introduced to the area as they feed off the aforementioned toxin producing plants. The population of said monkeys declined a bit as most of the trees in the area were cut down during the Second World War as resources. After the war, the tress were replanted and subsequently the monkey population grew. I was curious and I had to satisfy my curiosity so I researched it. By research, I mean I Googled “monkey origins Hong Kong”. Now you know why there are monkeys in the Kowloon Hills of Hong Kong. That topic comes up all the time. It’s a great way to pick up girls in Hong Kong. “Hey girl, do you know why there are monkeys in Kowloon Hills in Hong Kong? Oh no? Well let me tell you….” Nothing impresses a girl more than a great monkey origin story. Trust me.

Anyways, I digress. As we got to the top of the Lion Rock, I must say I was very impressed with the 360 degree view of Hong Kong. The breeze was great, and the air was not humid for once. The view was better than the top of the Peak. Of course, I can be more reflective now as I am writing this at the wee hours of the morning in my air conditioned room. My mind was in a less reflective state as I was up there. My thoughts were, “My legs feel like spaghetti and I need some water. This view is great and I like the breeze. This makes it all worth it. Hey is that a Taiwanese flag painted on that rock? I wonder how long it will take us to get down?”.

As I ran out of water at the top of Lion Rock and I quickly found myself longing for a nice cold CocaCola. It was like I was living the crave Coca Cola commercial. That was my motivation to finish. My reward at the end of the rainbow.

Of course we had to tackle Beacon Hill before we got back to the road. This Hill wasn’t actually all that bad, but at this point I was pretty exhausted from Amah Rock and Lion Rock and I was beginning to feel sugar low. Again, a water and one sausage bun diet is not an adequate meal for a hike. At least I burned a lot of calories.

When we finally reached the road back to civilization we encountered many warning signs of no trespassing and radiation warnings. The radar towers in the area will most likely decrease the chances of me having children if I hang around there too long. Great. My fellow hiking friend also brought up the fact that her mother warned her about real mountain bandits (not monkeys) that rob people in this park called the smack your head gang. It sounds less silly in Cantonese, I swear. This corroborates a story another friend told me before I left for this hike after I told him where I might possibly be hiking. Two word of mouth stories is evidence enough to prove something to be true in my books. Honestly, it made the trek down the mountain more exciting. I’ve never encountered mountain bandits before. It would just be like the encounters in the old school Chinese period movies where the hero would fight these “san chacks” (mountain bandits) and defend the peasants. Then again, I don’t remember my kung fu and this isn’t the movies. Maybe it’s not so cool after all to encounter them.

Here’s a horrible transition to the next paragraph.

Towards the end of the road that was in between two barb wired fenced in buildings I commented to my friend that it was like we were just released from prison as portrayed in many Chinese movies. Our family needed to “si ding d look yow yeeps” for us at home to wash away our bad luck. Sure enough, 2 minutes later we saw a sign that indicated that it was actually a penitentiary.

So let’s recap, mosquitoes, monkeys, mountain bandits, radiation warnings and a penitentiary and some kick as views on top of the Kowloon Hills. Good times.

I can proudly say I hiked up those hills, even though I was fairly weaksauce during the whole process. Regardless, I think having accomplished this feat and seeing the wonderful views of Hong Kong up top makes it all worth it. Plus, I will have some killer leg muscles now. Although a friend pointed out that girls seldom check out guy’s legs. How true.

As for my Coca-Cola reward at the end? The Coke at the local 7-11 was all warm so I settled for a Green Apple Green Tea instead.

Like many things in life, you don’t always get what you want.