Unicorns, Minotaurs, and Centaurs

A Unicorn being courted by a centaur as a pervy looking Minotaur watches in complete and utter blissful glee. Thank you Arty Chee for drawing my absurd artwork request.

I’ve always found something innately funny about the aforementioned titled creatures. Anytime you bring up Unicorns, minotaurs, and centaurs in a conversation you are bound to get some laughs.

The unicorn is definitely the girliest creature of the three. Just check out the girly toy aisle at your local toy store. There are three things you would find for sure in that aisle. The color pink, Barbies, and unicorns. Girls have such limited toy options. It’s quite sad really.

A unicorn is often thought of as a beautiful creature that has similar likeness to a horse but has a lion’s tail and a long, straight, and spirally twisted horn. It is usually depicted as white in color and is seen as a symbol of chastity or purity. Yep, they have the makings of a good housewife. Neil Patrick Harris aka Doogie Howser M.D. can attest to the Unicorn’s greatness.

Next up we have the Minotaur. The creature has recently made a pop culture comeback. It has been recently featured in some sort of SUV car commercial and of course in the movie “Role Models”.

The Minotaur has the body of a man and the head and tail of a bull. The Minotaur was a fearsome creature with quite an appetite for human flesh. According to Wikipedia, which is always a reliable source of information for the lazy, “required that seven Athenian youths and seven maidens, be sent ever ninth year” for the creature to feed on. All you can eat young maidens and young Athenians. Yum.

On a random yet somewhat related note, I bet a Minotaur if cooked properly, would make a great steak or burger. I assume that it would be very beefy and it would most likely be bad for your arteries since it is just pure red meat. BBQ Minotaur meat however, is as exotic as you can get. When you eat a Minotaur, you won’t feel as bad because Minotaurs are such jerks. If you eat a unicorn however, you will cry as you eat it because unicorns are so beautiful, nice, and rare.

Finally, we have the centaur. They have the head, trunk, and arms of a man and the body and legs of a horse. I really don’t have an opinion on a centaur, but I always envisioned them as pompous jerks with British accents just like elves. They think that they’re all high and mighty but they are a bunch of wusses. I hear that they shoot a mean bow and arrow though. I also have no idea how they procreate, but I know they probably secretly dream of getting it on with unicorns.

The three creatures differ any many ways but they all share one thing in common. Like true love, it's all just a myth.