Things to do this Christmas

Things to do this Christmas:

1. Watch MI4 on IMAX
2. Watch Sherlock Holmes
3. Watch Tintin
4. Watch War Horse
5. Watch Girl with Dragon Tattoo
6. Eat
7. Candice Swanepoel

I can probably realistically do 6/7 things on this list.

Internet killed the Video Store...ohh ahh ohh....

I love movies. Always had. I remember when I was under 18 I always wanted my on video store rental card of my own so I can rent all the movies I wanted. When my dad finally got me my own Blockbuster and Rogers Video card, man that was so awesome. I was so proud to have it in my wallet.

It was such a thrill going to the video store. Renting out the latest video games or the latest video that hit the store shelves with your friends or family. Part of the joy was just going to the store with your pals and doing my usual walkthrough around the store and used video section to see what goodies I can find.

When I worked for Blockbuster for one holiday season during my college years it was movie heaven. I got to rent 10 rentals a week for free and staff discount of 20% off everything. I had access to movies a week before official release. I was watching movies like no tomorrow. During my interview, the manager asked me scenerio questions about what movies you would recommend to this customer if they were interested in this, or movies involving this actor etc. She said in her six years working there, no one has ever answered her questions with such vigor and knowledge. If I only applied that brain power to solving important issues like world hunger, curing cancer or figuring out why Donald Duck has no genitals.

I still have a bit of nostalgia everytime I walk into a video store but like all things nostalgic, they must be a thing of the past.

With the recent announcement of Blockbuster closing all the remaining video stores they had, it was a sad day for the bricks and mortars stores I know and love. This however, has been a long time coming but at least there was enough warning that we can all prepare for this eventual outcome. I had time to say my proper goodbyes. It was nice knowing you Blockbuster. RIP.

Now can someone send me the bitorrent link to that new X-Men movie?

Leather

Leather. You can leather all sorts of things. Jackets, belts, wallets, bags, shoes, steering wheels, pants, whips, toilet seats and even cars!

It's nice that an animal died for the making of a material product. That's when you know it's quality. Not like wool. No animal died for the making of wool. Pathetic.

Empty

I own a lot of things but I feel like I have nothing. I consume because I have wants but it all falls short.

I have my health, my family, great friends and wonderful job, but I’m always chasing. I’m tired of running.

I can afford many things, things I want, but at the end of the day, once I have it it matters little to me. Material things mean as much to me as the boxes it comes in. Empty and awaiting to be discarded.

For what I want, money cannot buy and there is nothing I can do about it.

Torment

“Torment” was a critically panned Spider-Man story arc from the early 90s written and drawn by comic book artist Todd McFarlane.

Brief summary of plot:

Blood washes the streets of the Big Apple. Torment plunges Spider-Man into the darkness within us all as he hunts the Lizard through the streets and sewers of New York City, trying to put an end to the bloodthirsty, homicidal rampage left in his wake. But what is driving the Lizard? Is it an answer that Spider-Man is prepared to face? Or will it be so shocking that it will make even the most courageous hero question his sanity?

Needless to say, Spidey had it rough. The image above is the final page of issue five, the conclusion of the story arc. After defeating the villain, Spider-man barely functioning, mentally and physically, manages to struggle and find his way home to his wife. This is his for comfort and solace. A place where he can recuperate and rest from physical and mental exhaustion with the women he loves. A place where he feels safe.

In times of disappointment, depression, or physical and mental fatigue, I often think of this comic panel. Spider-man was beaten, poisoned and traumatized over the course of five issues. In the end, he had to defeat his own friend who was being controlled by the super villain in order to stop her. That stuff just messes you up mentally. No, I can’t relate. I’ve never been poisoned or beaten up my friend to stop a super villain.

In any case, the images and the dialogue from this panel pops up in my mind whenever I feel downtroddened. When the world has just delivered me the final knock out blow, I think of this panel and wonder where is my ‘home’. I wonder where I can find my comfort and solace.

My mind can be my greatest friend. It is the source of my creativity and intellect but it is also often the source of my depression. I am writing this blog not as a cry for help because I know who reads this because I am not about that. Rather, I wanted to share the image I often think of when I struggle with negative thoughts and a heavy heart.

Yes, when I’m when feeling blue, I think of a comic book image. If this doesn’t prove that I am the biggest nerd in the world I don’t know what does.

Please Stand By

I know it’s been awhile. I am still alive, unfortunately for you. My creativity has escaped me for now but I’m working on a few blog ideas and fortunately for you, none of them involves nudity. I will update soon but until then you will always have my twitter and the Hypnotoad to entertain you.

Alaska

Photos from my Alaska trip. Click here to view the whole album.

A Cure for Depression

Take that air!

If you’re a dude and you’re depressed I’ve got a cure for you and it does not involve drowning your sorrows in an alcoholic haze! Read on.

Step 1: Join the army to escape life’s pressures. Only then can one truly appreciate the value of life. Then, go on to witness some horrific things on the battlefield causing you to dive further into depression caused by the atrocities you’ve committed on said battlefield. This will of course lead to your inevitable capture by the local indigenous people your army has been fighting.

I know, I know, all this sounds rough, but it gets better.

Step 2: Once a P.O.W. at the hands of these indigenous people, through osmosis, learn their culture and their way of life…all this of course allows you to finally discover true inner peace. Your captors will despise you at first because they do not trust you, but with time they will come to know you and learn to accept you as one of them. Usually the hottest girl in the village trusts you first, then the children, followed by the rest of the town. At the very same time, you and the hottest girl in town will end up falling in love. BONUS SCORE! After-all, the tender love a woman provides is a great cure for depression too.

There is however always one dickhead in town that is always against you. He will never trust you and he will smack talk every chance he gets. This guy is a total player hater because you’re getting it on with the hottest girl in town who he has a crush on since he was 5. Tough bones.

Step 3: Become a part of their community and fight on their side against your former army. The inevitable final battle will come. Although the other side has more advanced weaponry and your indigenous side is outmatched both in numbers and military training, you have the knowledge of the land and you can use it to your advantage. Although the odds are against your ‘new side’ and you probably will die or end up being the only survivor of this whole final battle ordeal, you at the very least will feel whole again and are no longer depressed (You found inner peace in step 2 already remember?). Plus you scored with the town’s hottest girl, what more do you want? Boom chicka bow wow!

Temper Trap – Down River. Give it a listen.

Conan O’Brien: “The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour”

“A Night of Music, Comedy, Hugging, and the Occasional Awkward Silence.”

The Orpheum – April 14, 2010

Photos of the red headed comedic genius can be viewed here. All the photos in this album are shot with a point and shoot, so it’s not the best quality.

Handicap Washroom Stalls

Handicap washroom stalls are like the mansions of the public washroom world. It's like the penthouse suite of hotel rooms. You can practically do cartwheels in there. It's so spacious and luxurious.

One of these days, I will get caught using it when an actual handicap person needs and I will feel bad because it's sort of like parking in a handicap spot without the handicap permit.

The toilets in the handicap bathroom usually are higher than normal toilets so sometimes it makes me feel like I stumbled upon a giant's home and I'm using their facilities. It's like the toilet's made for a giant. I would daydream further thinking the giant might be upset if they discovered I'm using their giant toilet at their home without their permission. An upset giant is a scary giant. I wouldn't stand a chance. I would then apologize to the giant for using their giant toilet without its permission. This may incite anger and ill will from within the giant directed towards me. Knowing this, I would apologize and then explain to the giant that "I didn't think giants had feelings". This perhaps, may anger the giant further and he will then try to smash me with its hulk sized fists. I wouldn't fair well against giant hulk sized smashing fists at all.

This makes me glad that giants aren't real. I'd then realize what a wonderful adventure it is to use a handicap bathroom stall. The toilets are huge and so is the stall! It's like the toilet's made for a giant....oh how my mind wanders in the washroom.